Psychologists, Authors & Professors
Expert Clinical Care for Individuals and Couples
Helping for Over 25 Years
Psychologists, Authors & Professors
Expert Clinical Care for Individuals and Couples
Helping for Over 25 Years
Understanding communication, trust, honesty, and relationship change
One of the most common mistakes therapists can make when treating a couple in crisis is assuming that simply sitting together in front of a therapist will cause longstanding communication problems, deception, resentment, or romantic or sexual infidelity to suddenly disappear.
If two people have already been withholding information from one another or struggling to communicate honestly, the presence of a therapist does not automatically make openness easier. Shame, fear, anger, resentment, defensiveness, or simple reluctance may cause one or both partners to become even more guarded.
Imagine having withheld something from, or even deceived, the person closest to you and then being asked by a complete stranger to immediately reveal everything. Effective couples counseling must recognize these barriers rather than assume that complete honesty will occur simply because therapy has begun.
Dr. Mike Abrams was personally trained in couples therapy and marriage counseling by Dr. Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and an influential figure in modern cognitive-behavioral therapy.
His approach is to meet with each member of the couple separately for part of the session while both partners are present at the office, assuring confidentiality for what is discussed during each individual portion.
After hearing each partner’s perspective independently, Dr. Abrams develops a clearer model of the relationship as experienced by both participants. This helps identify the difficulties the relationship faces and the specific actions that may be required from each partner to create a more functional and loving relationship.
Dr. Abrams then meets with the couple together. Each partner is invited to share the portions of the confidential discussion that he or she is comfortable revealing to the other.
From that point forward, the couple is encouraged to view themselves, their partner, and the relationship itself from a new perspective—with renewed goals, more realistic expectations, improved communication, and a clearer understanding of what each person must contribute to the relationship.